In the soul of every man there is a "vessel of VALUES." The need for it’s CONTENT is IMPORTANT as the need for food and water, but it is not filled with material things, but with the feeling of SELF-IMPORTANCE, relevance, UTILITY, and the most importantly - LOVE, AND when this "vessel" is full, a person feel himself HAPPY.
Dana Tolesh, is the mother of two DAUGHTERS, the owner of the company Fresh Events have understood this TRUTH long time ago, that is why she constantly SHARES with the CONTENT of "her vessels", as the MORE you give, the more filled it gets.
- Dana, you have two children - daughters. There is an opinion that to bring up girls easier than boys. It is proved by the usual calmness of girls and the fact that mother understands daughter more than son. Do you share this opinion?
-????????? In my opinion, this delusion and is not a gospel truth, in fact, it is more difficult to bring up girls, as they are thinner and deeper spiritually. To bring up girls – it is a jewelry work. They are - the future of women who are destined to have children, to keep the family hearth and home, to support her husband, to be flexible, to smooth or flatten complex situations. Therefore they should be taught of life wisdom early, which includes such concepts as good education, culture, patience, logical thinking, farsightedness and many, many other different subtleties.
- How do you teach children, for instance, ... - Farsightedness or logical thinking?
- My oldest daughter, she is seven years old (with a tail), now practices playing chess, and I said to her: "Imagine that it is board of your life and after every action will follow the events from which depend in this case the result of the whole play, but in reality, it maybe your or someone's fate". And before making a move, she thinks, calculates to avoid mistakes. On Ipad I try to upload games for the development of logic and creative thinking so while playing, the children could understand: that every action leads to a certain result, which, after thinking, can be avoided.
- Your youngest daughter is only five years old, she is also under the force of all this?
- Today children develop rapidly. But with her we are mostly involved in fairy-tales therapy. It is a very effective method due to which you can teach a child kindness, courage, responsibility, courtesy, and many positive qualities.
- Today there is a lot of information about children education, a lot of different techniques, child psychologists. By what do you guided while choosing any method, fairy-tales, games?
-For me, the main guideline is - my childhood and my parents, who brought up eight children with dignity. As the basement of our education were work, responsibility for the house and love. We have never heard any morals and empty words, on the contrary, the wise silence influence better than angry conversations. And despite the fact that the world has changed greatly and now more valuable the other priorities - human nature remains the same. I grew up in love, so was able to build my happiness, my children also grow in love and I am sure – they will be able to be happy. Diamonds on every finger can’t make people happy, if the in soul inside there is a discomfort, anxiety and emptiness. Happiness - it's a state of mind. And I believe that it is necessary to teach children positive human qualities initially, but if to appreciate cool brands and expensive jewelry - they will understand by themselves.
- Girls mostly pattern themselves on their mother, her feminine qualities and female psychology. What do you want your children patterned on you as an example?
- I find it difficult to talk about my positive qualities. Let the other people say about them, but I want my girls used their social status and wealth in the first place for the spiritual and moral development, what, actually, I do. The modern woman can not exist only as a mother and wife, it’s not enough. It is necessary to feel your demand, so you must have good education, you have to work, to be involved in charity work, socialize, have a career.I can go to study in every country of the world, if I know that it will bring development and benefit. A lot of time and money I spend on self-education and professional development, the famous expression tells "the more I learn, the more I understand that I know nothing" - this is about me. Books - my eternal companions, they are of different kinds, including psychology, business marketing, philosophy, fairy tales.
- Graduate of KIMEP's magistracy is not enough for you?
- My life – is the constant search for knowledge, and I you learned something, I want to share it with friends, family. Someone to teach something, to impose my vision – is not my goal, I just want to enrich myself with new knowledge and share it.
- Let's return to the theme about children. One of the rules of bringing up children – is to enter into their world. But it is difficult, if not to live their interests, and not to understand them. Do you deal with this problem?
- I felt it only with the birth of my second daughter. It is important to perceive many things by the degree of their importance, which they represent for the children themselves, and not from my point of view. As from the fact how the mother refers to hobbies and girlish questions depends her authority. And the children have their own, still small perception of life, limited of knowledge and experience, every day for them is – a discovery. And we the adults, we must help them to explore the world through conversations, games, communication. Communicating with children - this is a large happiness. And to be honest, I don’t want my children grow up too soon, you always want to stop this sweet, gentle, guileless age.
- What regime is kept for children?
- Certainly. They go to bed at eight in the evening, they have early wake up, school, lessons, home tasks, and so they must have a good rest so the day was productive and not tiring.
- How do you pamp your girls?
- We often travel together, they like to explore the world. And on the weekends we invite relatives in our house. The adults sit around the table and talk about their adult occupations, and children rise on the top floor of the house, and prepare for us a presentation. Dress up (we have a lot of different costumes), read poetry, sing songs, dance, in short, the performance gets just great! Well, after all seen how not to pamp them? The first praise – is a serving of ice cream for everyone, and then we give a certain amount of money to every child, go shopping, and they spend their money on what they want. Along with the knowledge to plan the budget.
- And do your girls know that in 1998 you won the title of "Miss Kazakhstan"?
- Yes. By the way, I didn’t tell them about that, they found an old photo album, and paged through ... And now they dream when they grow up, that they also will be "Miss Kazakhstan." By the way, I see no flaws in my children, and act on the principle of "strengthening the advantages and the disadvantages will go away by their own." So I never focus on shortcomings, just switch attention and awareness of children from bad moment into good. Every person is given talents and abilities by nature, and to be successful you need to recognize them, and without waste of time move in this direction.
- And what, except a good look is necessary for it?
- For example, I studied for six years in the Academy of Choreography. I took music lessons, had endless photo sessions, ballroom dances, fashion shows, performances. And now the girls also want to follow my steps, they visit choreography lessons with pleasure. But I do not focus on the competition, a one-time event, fleeting fame, which will be soon forgotten. It is more important to teach them the wisdom of nature, tradition, courtesy and humanity.
- Young children usually do not pay attention to the appearance. But if they grow up, they start to "sort" people on the beautiful and ugly. And they refer themselves to some, and more often they are not satisfied with their nature appearance. Sometimes, on this basis, they develop a complex. Do your children understand the beauty?
- Yes, yes. Just recently noticed that they discuss hair length if their friends, bows, hairstyles, clothes. But I was impressed with the fact that even if they doesn’t like something of someone - it is not the reason to break relations with this person And explain them that girls should take care of their appearance, save what is given by nature. Teach them hygiene, how use of anti-sun creams at the seaside or protection creams in cold weather.
- Do you have any traditions or rules in your family?
- Yes. And the very first of them is the fact that in our family we have patriarchy. The key person in the house – is husband, father. If a man sees a reverent and respectful attitude to him, then he will not allow neglectful response in relationships. In my life, there are two main men - a father and husband.
Father is not just a native person to me, he is male example, symbol of masculinity, machismo. I always felt his care, support, and the ability to respond quickly and fervently to my emotional needs. He taught me many things, the value of which is undeniable. Today, with warm I remember the moments of our conversations, and despite the fact that he is now seventy-five years and it is not so cheerful and energetic, his eyes still light, and the soul is not stale. When I found my family, my husband became my authoritative person. He took responsibility for me and our girls. And taught me a lot, and I am eternally grateful to him. My husband – is the main person in my family, he is my support, strength, inspiration, happiness, love.
- Do you have the differentiation of duties?
- Of course. My husband is responsible or main financial questions, and Im responsible - for the organization. Happy family life - is the work more complicated than business. We must always develop, set new goals. In the family, irrespectively from the work, you can’t take vacation for a month. But if you try, you can do everything. On the first place I always had the inner balance and peace. As long as there is peace within the family everything will be fine. But mostly any woman just want to be happy and loved. She want to know that somebody is waiting for her at home, there is no necessity to struggle with the difficulties of business but just take care of your beloved.
- Dana, in your opinion, which set of qualifications and skills must have a modern Kazakh girl?
- I believe that in addition to good education, she must know the psychology in order to be able to build a communication at different social levels. Have a clear way in life and follow it, and not sprayed in all the directions. She should know and respect the traditions of her nation, to be smart, wise, far-sighted. Kazakh woman must obey her man, not because of her low socialization and professional development, but according to the mentality and the natural essence. The atmosphere of family supposes warmth, comfort, softness, freedom and all this must create a woman. In our house, for example, everyone has his own space and time, I think it important to have a place for solitude. But, nevertheless, in every family there are disagreements, however, a smart woman knows that she must give way first. Children who grow up in love and comprehension in the future for sure will build their happiness, I know from my own experience.
- You love, care and honor your parents. How to bring up children in order to get the same attitude in old age?
- They say that good communication with children is - the best investment in your old age. Actually, I think I was very lucky with my parents. They are wonderful! They had no books on bringing up, as we have today, but they taught us at the intuitive level everything that will never go out of fashion – and it is humanity.
Text: Svetlana LYSENKOPhoto: Alexander PALATOVSKIY
Tolesh Dana: Happiness – is a state of mind.// Zhenshiny Vostok-Zapad, №3 (114) may-june, 2011.
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